As I previously mentioned in an earlier post, when we brought the kids up to Minnesota we had to drive the last 5 hours from Minneapolis, because all the plane flights were already booked that last leg from Minneapolis to Bemidji. Derek had reserved a sedan for us with two carseats in it, and our car for the day was a Lincoln Marquis. It was a very comfortable car for a long drive.
.

One problem: this car was parked right next to 'our' car. Oh, great.
Dawson threw a hissy fit! He did not want to ride in the white car, he WANTED TO RIDE IN THE BLUE CAR!!!!!!! THE BLUE CAR IS FASTER...I WANT TO RIDE IN IT!!!! (side note: he is SO Derek's son, is he not?) One BIG temper tantrum later, lots of coercing, and finally one spanking later...he finally got in the white car. He continued to pout for a very long time.
Derek began trying to cheer him up a little while later by saying things like "Dawson, this car is just as fast as that blue one...in fact it's probably faster...you know, this car is super cool...I love this car Dawson....etc." Dawson began to take the bait. Dawson began asking Derek if he would drive faster, Derek would 'punch' the gas pedal (just enough to be noticeable), Dawson would laugh, and then he would ask Derek to do it again. For the next several hours, Dawson would ask Derek every few minutes to drive faster. And Derek, being...uh, Derek, was happy to comply.
Then, about an hour away from our Minnesota house, we flew past a cop going about 80mph. In Texas, that wouldn't have been such a HUGE deal since the speed limits are 70mph. But in Minnesota, the speed limit on this highway was 60mph. Uh oh. The cop was super nice & realized that we had traveled all the way across the United States & we were just anxious to finally be there. The cop decided to give us a citation instead of a ticket. Whoo hoo! Well, not quite whoo hoo...it seems that in the great state of Minnesota, you still have to pay money for a citation. It's really kind of like writing a check out to the officer personally & no one knows the wiser.
During the time Derek was talking to the officer, Dawson was constantly trying to talk to the officer himself. I kept having to convince Dawson that the officer was busy working & that the officer did not have time to chat with him. When we were finally able to drive away, here is the conversation that took place:
Me: "Well shoot...Welcome to Minnesota."
Dawson: "Daddy what was that officer doing?"
-pause-
Me: "Derek, we should...uh, probably tell him the truth & teach him that driving fast isn't a good idea...and about following the rules & stuff...hu?"
Derek: "Yeah, I guess so... Dawson, The officer just gave Daddy a speeding ticket because I was driving too fast."
-pause-
(Insert hysterical toddler screaming here)
Dawson: "NO DADDY...I don't want him to give you a TOOKET! NO! NO! NO! Daddy I don't want you to have a tooket!"
(continued screaming)
Derek: "Dawson, CALM down...it's not a big deal. All Daddy has to do is pay some money & that's it. No big deal."
(screaming pauses for a second...then picks right back up)
Dawson: "NO DAD!!! I don't want you to have to pay any money...no DON'T pay any money Dad. (he stops screaming for a second, then says in a very calm voice) Dad, let's just throw that tooket in the trash, okay?"
(Derek & I unsuccessfully try to hide our laughing. Seriously, where did his criminal mind come from? Probably Derek's side of the family.)
Derek: "Buddy, that won't work because the officer has a copy of the ticket...but really its okay, not a big deal, we just need to slow down."
(About 45 minutes pass without ANY conversations about the 'tooket', Derek & I mistakenly think we are in the clear when out of the blue, the screaming commences)
Dawson: "DAD I don't WANT you to pay any money for that tooket...don't do it!!!!"
(Out of desperation/ frustration Derek yells back)
Derek: "DAWSON...if I don't pay the ticket, they will ARREST me!!!!"
-LONG pause- (I am grimacing my face waiting for his response)
Dawson: "NO DAD!!!! YOU CAN'T GO TO JAIL!!! JAIL IS ONLY FOR BAD GUYS, AND YOU ARE A GOOD GUY, AND I WOULD MISS YOU....."
(That is all he got out before he began sobbing. I panic. What do I do? Of course, I lie. I told him that Daddy was kidding, that he would NEVER go to jail if he didn't pay his ticket...totally lied. Just like that, I broke one of the ten commandments just so my son would calm down, so he could sleep that night without envisioning Daddy going to jail.)
Before this event, Dawson was a pretty bad back seat driver. He was constantly telling me to GO anytime I had to stop for something other than a red light. Now, he is a TERRIBLE back seat driver. He feels the need to remind me to slow down so I won't get a 'tooket' anytime I go faster than 30 mph. If you are interested in reading more about our parenting, you can find my latest novel on any bookshelf entitled Bad Parenting for Dummies.