WARNING...this will be a very long post. But, it will be VERY funny! This is about a year & a half of cute/ funny stories from my munchkins. The last time I posted a blog with their funnies was right before we left MN...so I had quite a bit of catching up to do. A lot of these made their way to my facebook statuses, so some of them you will probably recognize.
Dawson
Dawson
-One day I overheard Derek & Dawson talking in the other room. Dawson said something to make Derek laugh & Derek told him ‘I think you’re pretty cool.’ Dawson smiled at him & said ‘I thought so.’
-Out of the blue one day Dawson said ‘Mom, me & Andi make a really great team.’
- After Dawson stomped a bug one day he said ‘He was pushing the limit.’
-Dawson wanted to know EXACTLY what the three wise men said to baby Jesus when they went to visit him. While I was trying to think of a good answer, he said "I know, they were telling him how to play baseball and stuff."
-One day, Andi was running/ crawling around the house naked after her bath. Dawson started gagging. I asked why he was gagging & he said ‘I just don’t want to look at that little space where her penis is supposed to be.’
-As I was about to walk Dawson out to the bus one morning, he stops at the front door & says "Hold up, is THAT what you're going to wear outside?" I guess my pjs were embarrassing him!
- It was after bath time last night, two naked kiddos, and Dawson yells "Hey Andi! Do you want me to show you how to make LOVE?" I whip my head around to look at him with my mouth hanging open, only to find him showing her the sign language sign for love
- Dawson learned about the story of Jonah at his Bible class at church. He asked me ‘How did God get Jonah out of the whale’s belly?’ I told him that God was amazing & could do anything. He said ‘Can God come clean my room?’
- Dawson: ‘Hey Andi, try to guess how old I was when I was three.’ Andi thought really, really hard & then said ‘Uhm…four.’ Dawson very excitedly: ‘Nope. But that was really close Andi, good guess.’
- Dawson: 'Mom, I wish I still lived in Minnesota so I wouldn't have to listen to Andi whine.' Me: 'You would still have to listen to her there too.' Dawson: 'Not if we didn't take her.'
- Dawson's prayer at bed time one night was 'Dear God, help me to always have really big toots.' Literally, not even 10 seconds later God answered that prayer. Dawson looked at me wide-eyed & whispered 'God is amazing.'
- While Dawson & his cousin Holden were playing outside in the backyard, I heard LOTS of giggling. I went to investigate & found them butt-naked...spraying each other with the water hose & then leaving wet hiney prints on the patio.
- One day the kiddos were dressed up as superheroes...Dawson was Spiderman & Andi was Wolverine. Andi's wolverine mask totally freaked Spidey Dog out, he growled & barred his teeth at her. It was pretty scary for a moment until she took the mask off. Dawson, wasn't concerned for his sister, just worried about Spidey Dog's superhero knowledge. "OH NO...he thinks Wolverine is a BAD guy!"
- One night after bath-time, Dawson shook his naked booty in my face & said 'Look Mom, it's a Texas Jalapeno!'
- Dawson saw a sleep sofa for the first time on our summer trip to Sea World. He said ‘WOW…our couch is a transformer!!!’
- Sweet Home Alabama' came on the radio in the car. Andi said 'Yay! The Baha song!' I asked her why it was the Baha song. She sang 'Sweet Home Ala Baha.' Dawson corrected her impatiently & said 'NO ANDI...it's not BAHA. It's (then started singing) Sweet Home Al OBAMA.'
- Andi & I kept singing the Tangled song in the car until Dawson yelled 'Can you girls PLEASE quit singing that & play some Bon Jovi????'
- Passing the apartment complex right after we left church one Sunday, Dawson said 'If we lived here, maybe would actually get to church on time.'
- Towards the end of kindergarten, Dawson got in trouble at school one day for throwing a rock. His story was that he just rolled the rock, and that there must have been a jumping beetle underneath it because all of a sudden the rock flew into the air.
- Dawson: 'Mom, Andi was copying me & she said the word stupid.' Me: 'Uh...bud, that means you said it first.' Dawson: 'Oh yeah.
- Dawson: ‘Mom, when I was born did I have a diaper on?’ Me smiling: ‘Nope.’ Dawson: ‘Oh gross…you mean girls lay NAKED babies????’
- Dawson: 'MOM! Please tell Andi to get OUT OF MY ROOM!' Me: 'Remember...God gave you your sister so you would have someone to play with.' Dawson whining: 'Yeah, but I don't think God knew she was going to mess up my toys.'
- The other day while Andi was watching Dora, Dawson irritated her by saying over & over again how boring Dora was. I told him that he was not being nice because she watched his shows too...like Batman & Spiderman. He said, 'Yeah, but those aren't boring.’
Andi
-Andi loves to play with her Fischer Price Nativity play set. She plays with it all the time & leaves the different characters all over the house. One day while she was playing with the set in the playroom, this is what I heard her say ‘Hang on everybody, I’ve got to go get baby Jesus. He’s in the bathroom.’
-One day she said ‘are we going nowhere today? Or are we going yes where?'
- Part of Andi's prayer at bedtime tonight: "Dear God, thank you for my mom & all her pictures."
- When Andi woke up one morning, she was screaming "MOM...hurry, come here...I have POLKA DOTS all over ME!!!" It was goose bumps.
- Derek shaved his beard off one morning & Andi said 'Dad, what happened to your fur?’
- Andi said one morning "Mom, don't look in my cup okay? I didn't put my booger in my juice...just don't look in there okay."
- Andi's prayer at lunch: "Dear God, thank you for Jesus & princess costumes. Amen."
- One day Andi got all upset because she said her imaginary friend Max did not want to play with girls anymore. I told her to just make up a new imaginary friend that did want to play with her. She just stared at me like I was crazy. Apparently it doesn’t work that way.
-One morning, not even close to Christmas time, she said ‘Mom, I really hate Santa because he gives me bad dreams.’ ???
-One day at the park, she was totally staring at this one little boy. I asked her if she knew him. She said ‘Nope. But I am going to marry him someday. I really love his hair.’
-She talks about what she wants all the time when she grows up: pink car, pink phone, pink camera & wants to be in the marching band
- When Andi saw her first convertible she said 'Look Mom! That car doesn’t have a lid on it!'
- She declares everything to be ‘So much beautiful.’
- While Andi & I were at Dawson's baseball camp, Andi said ‘Mom, I really like watching boys.’
- One day while dancing in the living room with Andi, she said ‘I can’t shake my booty anymore. It is making the food in my tummy break.’
- So, Andi was riding in the shopping cart at the store one day when she excitedly yelled 'LOOK what I found Mom!' It was a HUGE booger on her finger. I said 'Oh please let that be yours.' She grinned really big and said 'Nope, I found it on the basket.
- One day while doing laundry, I found two rolls of toilet paper & half a pop-tart in the dirty clothes hamper. Totally Andi mischief
- This was Andi explaining Easter as a four year old. 'Well, Jesus got dead on the cross. Then, he got up! I think he needed to go find the Easter eggs.'
- Andi: 'Mom, we wrestle with Dad & not you because you are not good at it.' Me: 'That's right...but, I am good at other things aren't I?' ANDI: 'uhm, uhm (insert 30 second pause while she thinks really hard), YES! You are really good at sleeping.' Then later she also added that I was good at hanging pictures & wiping hineys.
- One morning Andi was rocking her baby doll, and I told her 'Aww...you are such a good Mommy.' She said, 'I know I am. It's because I don't yell at my babies when they jump on the furniture.' (Can you tell what she was getting in trouble for that day?)
- Andi watched me pull my hair up into a ponytail, started laughing, and then said 'when I can see your ears you look like Pinocchio.'
- While playing 'I spy' in the car with the kiddos, Andi says 'I spy something tree...oh, I mean green.' When Dawson's first guess was a tree, she was genuinely surprised he guessed it!
- My kids came into the man-room one evening & Dawson said 'Mom, we really need to tell you something.' Andi butted in & said 'Yeah, we got married in Dawson's room & WE KISSED! Now, there's a baby in my tummy.' Dawson, looking very worried, said 'What are going to do now???' LONG pause as I stare at them wide eyed...then Andi says 'Come on Dawson, lets go sale our baby at the baby store.'
- One day while taking a shower, Andi pulled the curtain back to talk to me. He eyes got really big, she pointed right at my chest & said ‘Wow, can you breathe under water with those?’
- While trying to get me to play with her one day, I told her to wait just a second because I was watching tv. (something I hardly ever do during the day, but was watching some of the tennis coverage.) She said 'No Mom, only Daddies lay on the couch & watch tv!’
- Walking into the mall with Andi, she points at the no parking sign & says 'Hmm. That's weird. They don't let letter p's come in here.'
- Andi: 'When I grow up, I want to be big & strong just like God...except I want to be pink.'
- Andi told Dawson one day that she knew what his teacher looked like. She said her hair was the color of French fries.
- Because of the wind one day, Andi said 'Wow, it looks like all the trees had a party & threw their sticks down.'
-She told me one day ‘Thank you for making my private look like a girl…cause I would NOT want it to look like Dawson’s.’
- Andi just said to Derek 'Dad...I am still not sure who I am going to marry. Can you start looking for a really handsome guy at your work for me to marry. When I see him, I want to go (then she made this really dramatic gasp noise). Okay Dad?’ (Coming from a 4 year old!!!)
- A few days before Andi’s 5th birthday, she walked into my room while I was getting dressed & said ‘Oh Mom, can you get me big boobies for my birthday?’ I told her that God only gave boobies to grown up girls. She said ‘Oh, I’ll go ask God for them then.’
- Andi was in Bible class one morning with her best friends Mom, who has a pretty thick (and cute :-) southern accent. At the end of Andi's bed-time prayer tonight, instead of saying 'Amen', she said 'Ahh Man.' When I looked at her funny, she then said 'That is what Jillian's Mom says at church...Ahh Man.'
- Me: 'Andi, quit picking your nose.' Andi said in frustration: 'Well, God made these two slides inside my nose & my boogers just keep sliding out!'
-While driving in the car, I have to say over & over ‘I CANNOT LOOK AT YOU…I AM DRIVING!’ One day after I had said this to Andi multiple times, she replied angrily to me ‘It’s okay if we crash because it will only crash you & not me since I am way back here.’
-Walking through a department store one day she shouted out really loudly ‘LOOK MOM, this store has PINK BOOBIES!’ (bras)
- On her 5th birthday she said 'MOM, There is something wrong inside my forehead! Stuff is moving around & it hurts!' (I am thinking it was a sinus headache)
- On the way home from Andi’s first soccer practice, Andi told me 'Mom, I love that you are my coach. You did fabulous.'
- So, my crazy girl told me very excitedly one morning 'MOM...I am ALMOST grown up because I have A LOT of pokey hair on my legs now just like you!'
- Andi’s explanation of why people throw up: sometimes their food just wants to ride the escalator back up to the top.
-When she has bad dreams at night, I always say a prayer over her asking God to give her sweet dreams. One night she woke up having a bad dream, called me into her room & said ‘Mom, I think God fell asleep and forgot about my good dreams. Can you wake him up & ask him for me?’
- Lately, Andi has been making up her own words. Last week when Dawson had the stomach virus, she said 'Mom, I have made a big decisionment about Dawson...he is really sick.' Today she said 'My brother is so FISTICATED!' I asked her what that meant. She said 'It means your brother is really crazy.' Then, she shyly glanced over at Dawson & said 'Sorry Dawson, it's the truth.'
- I worked really hard to make sure Andi didn't get any of Dawson's stomach virus germs: lysoled like crazy, kept them completely separated. Then, checking out at HEB, I looked down to check on her & I found her licking the handle of the grocery cart. ?????
-Andi: ‘Mom, we have to eat healthy & exercise if we want our bellies to be small hu?’ Since she was mostly correct, I told her ‘yup.’ She looked at me slyly & said ‘Uh…how about we just exercise okay?’
- Andi hollaring at me across the house: 'Mom, I couldn't find any tissues in the batroom, so I just wiped my boogers on the bathtub okay?'
-Andi finally figured out that eating out is pretty cool & she wants to do it for every meal. One day she kept asking to go to a restaurant for lunch & I kept telling her no because it costs too much money to eat out all the time. She said ‘Well, if you don’t have enough money, then we can just use the money in my piggy bank.’ I told her that was really sweet of her, but that she didn’t have enough money in her bank. She then told me that we should just give them all her money & then just smile sweetly at them…that would work right? Then, another day we were having a similar argument about not going out to eat since it costs too much money, and her response that day was ‘After we eat, we can just duck our heads & tip toe out…that won’t cost any money.’
- While dancing with Andi in the living room, she says 'No Mom, don't dance like that. Dance like Daddy does...he dances with me like I am a princess.
- Talking out loud to myself one day, I said 'I wonder what time it is.' From the other room, where Andi could see the clock on the stove, she said 'Well, the clock says 3, then it has two cute little polka dots, then a one & a five.'
- ‘Mom, I don’t like the way your breath smells. It smells like bugs.’
-She kept having nightmares about someone cutting holes in our roof. She finally elaborated & said ‘you know, like all the houses will holes in their roofs by church.’ (She meant the floorplans with the atrium style entrance)
-One day I told Andi ‘Whoa, you are being really demanding today.’ She yelled back at me ‘I AM NOT COMMANDING!!’
- One day in the car, Andi kept singing the same line of a song over & over & over again. Dawson finally said 'Andi stop it! You are being so annoying!' She was totally taken back that he did not like her singing & very seriously replied 'Dawson, I am NOT annoying...I am the princess of the world.'
- One of my favorite Christmas memories: A few days before Christmas, I asked Andi 'what do you think Santa is going to bring you?' She looked at me like I had two heads & said 'Uh...probably what I ordered from him Mom.' (She meant the list she wrote for him)
- After a great girls night with my Andi girl, she prayed this at bed time: 'Dear God, please use your magic to make Mommy into a little girl like me so we can always be best friends.’
- When I reminded Andi that it was my birthday, she started crying & said ‘I don’t want you to grow old & die!!!’
-Andi started crying in the car the other day & said ‘I am so worried and sad. By the time I am a grown up, there won’t be any any houses left because they will all be full. I won’t have anywhere to live or lay my babies.’ (this comment about ‘laying’ babies probably came from Dawson’s ‘laying naked babies’ comment)
- Andi: 'I am really sad that I am a mean person.' Me: 'Why do you think you are a mean person?' Andi: 'Because I have a belly. And that is what they call mean people...bellies.' (bullies)
- She calls elderly people ‘OLDerly’ people.
- When she woke up one morning, she walked into my room while I was getting dresses. She said: 'When I get bigger, that is when my boobies are going to grow?' Me: 'Yup.' Her eyes lit up & she said 'Oooh...boobies grow just like flowers hu?' Me giggling: 'Yeah I guess so.' Andi: 'Someday I will have my own garden of boobies.'
(Note to myself: Dawson was 5 years old- 6.5 years old during these, and Andi was 3.5 years old-5 years old)
